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A Parent's Dictionary
AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again
BOTTLE FEEDING: Opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.
DROOLING: How teething babies wash their chins
DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order desert
FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME: What you call your child when you are mad at him
GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word
IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
LOOK OUT!: When it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
OW: The first word spoken by a child with older siblings.
PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own
PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms
PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOWOFF: A child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
STOREROOM: The distance required between supermarket aisles so children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minumum so as to not upset your
children
THUNDERSTORM: A chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed
TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies
TWO MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises
VERBAL: Able to whine in words
WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house
WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge"
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