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Twenty words that don't exist, but ought too
1.ACCORDIONATED (ah kor'de on ay tid)adj. Being able to drive and refold the map at the
same time.
2.AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus)adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on
and off with your toes.
3.AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um)n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water
is at it's perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or
(b) squirting her(him)self in the eye (ear or nose).
4.BURGACIDE (burg' uh side)n. When a hamburger can't take anymore torture and hurls itself
through the grill into the coals.
5.BUZZACKS (buz' aks)n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones
and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.
6.CARPERPETUATION (kar' per pet u a shun)n. The act, when vaccuming, of running over a
string or piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then
putting it back down to give the vaccum one more chance.
7.DIMP (dimp)n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you
work here?"
8.DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt')v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by
blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
9.ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma)n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the review
mirror.
10.EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz)n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no
matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.
11.ELBONICS (el bon' iks)n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a
movie theater.
12.ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun)n. The mistaken notion that the more you press
the elevator button the faster it will arrive.
13. FRUST (frust)n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and
keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under
the rug.
14. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun)n. Manhandling the "open here" spout
on a milk container so badly that one has the resort to the "illegal" side.
15. NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see)n. A fluorescent light struggling to come to life.
16. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay')n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be
walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
17. PETROPHOBIC (pet fo fob' ik)adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a
household pet.
18. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh)n. The affection of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom
you were calling just as they answer.
19. PUPKUS (pup' kus)n. The moist residue left on the window after a dog presses his nose to
it.
20. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun)n. the act of always letting the phone ring at
least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
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